Category: Johnathan Coulton

  • Mandelbrot Set

    Mandlebrot SetThis song is one of my favorites from a man who’s entire set of work is funny to me.

    All of Johnathan Coultan (JoCo)’s content is on his wiki page including free song downloads, lyrics, and guitar tabs.

    The Mandelbrot set is the set of complex numbers c for which f_{c}(z)=z^{2}+c} does not diverge when iterated from z=0, i.e., for which the sequence f{c}(0)f{c}(f {c}(0)), etc., remains bounded in absolute value.

     

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    Pathological monsters! cried the terrified mathematician
    Every one of them a splinter in my eye
    I hate the Peano Space and the Koch Curve
    I fear the Cantor Ternary Set
    The Sierpinski Gasket makes me wanna cry
    And a million miles away a butterfly flapped its wings
    On a cold November day a man named Benoit Mandelbrot was born

    His disdain for pure mathematics and his unique geometrical insights
    Left him well equipped to face those demons down
    He saw that infinite complexity could be described by simple rules
    Used his giant brain and he turned the game around
    And he looked below the storm
    Saw a vision in his head
    A bulbous pointy form
    Picked his pencil up and he wrote his secret down

    Just take a point called Z in the complex plane (Alternate: Take a point called C…)
    Let Z1 be Z squared plus C (Alternate: Let Z1 be zero squared…) (or: …plus Z)
    And Z2 is Z1 squared plus C (or: …plus Z)
    And Z3 is Z2 squared plus C (or: …plus Z) and so on
    If the series of Zs will always stay
    Close to Z and never trend away
    That point is in the Mandelbrot Set

    Mandelbrot Set, you’re a Rorschach Test on fire
    You’re a day-glo pterodactyl
    You’re a heart-shaped box of springs and wire
    You’re one badass fucking fractal
    And you’re just in time to save the day
    Sweeping all our fears away
    You can change the world in a tiny way

    Mandelbrot’s in heaven, at least he will be when he’s dead
    Right now he’s still alive and teaching math at Yale
    He gave us order out of chaos, he gave us hope where there was none
    His geometry succeeds where others fail
    So if you ever lose your way, a butterfly will flap its wings
    From a million miles away, a little miracle will come to take you home

    Just take a point called Z in the complex plane (Alternate: Take a point called C…)
    Let Z1 be Z squared plus C (Alternate: Let Z1 be zero squared…)
    And Z2 is Z1 squared plus C
    And Z3 is Z2 squared plus C and so on
    If the series of Zs will always stay
    Close to Z instead of trend away
    That point is in the Mandelbrot Set

    Mandelbrot Set, you’re a Rorschach Test on fire
    You’re a day-glo pterodactyl
    You’re a heart-shaped box of springs and wire
    You’re one badass fucking fractal
    And you’re just in time to save the day
    Sweeping all our fears away
    You can change the world in a tiny way
    And you’re just in time to save the day
    Sweeping all our fears away
    You can change the world in a tiny way
    Go on, change the world in a tiny way
    Come on, change the world in a tiny way

  • Re: Your Brains

    JoCo ScientistThis song is one of my favorites from a man who’s entire set of work is funny to me.

    All of Johnathan Coultan (JoCo)’s content is on his wiki page including free song downloads, lyrics, and guitar tabs.

    I should probably add a larger section for this guy… next chance.

     

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    Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall
    It’s good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
    Things have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
    I really wish you’d let us in
    I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
    Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
    But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming

    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
    If you open up the doors
    We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

    I don’t want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
    Spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
    Maybe that’s OK for now but someday you’ll be out of food and guns
    And you’ll have to make the call
    I’m not surprised to see you haven’t thought it through enough
    You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff
    But Tom, that’s what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly

    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
    If you open up the doors
    We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

    I’d like to help you Tom, in any way I can
    I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me
    I’m not a monster Tom, well, technically I am
    I guess I am

    I’ve got another meeting Tom, maybe we could wrap it up
    I know we’ll get to common ground somehow
    Meanwhile I’ll report back to my colleagues who were chewing on the doors
    I guess we’ll table this for now
    I’m glad to see you take constructive criticism well
    Thank you for your time I know we’re all busy as hell
    And we’ll put this thing to bed
    When I bash your head open

    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
    All we want to do is eat your brains
    We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
    If you open up the doors
    We’ll all come inside and eat your brains

  • I Feel Fantastic

    pillsThis song is one of my favorites from a man who’s entire set of work is funny to me.

    All of Johnathan Coultan (JoCo)’s content is on his wiki page including free song downloads, lyrics, and guitar tabs.

    I should probably add a larger section for this guy… next chance.

     

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    I get up early when the sleeping pill wakes me
    I take a wake up pill and fill with energy
    I power on hard and I check my messages
    But I don’t have any messages
    I take a driving pill and head to my car
    I drive around a bit ’cause work isn’t very far
    I call my phone and I check my messages
    But I don’t have any messages

    All I know is driving on drugs feels better when they’re prescription
    All I know is the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful

    I feel fantastic
    And I never felt as good as how I do right now
    Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
    When I felt the way that I do right now, right now
    I feel fantastic
    And I never felt as good as how I do right now
    Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
    When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now

    Work is anything but quiet these days
    I try to medicate my concentration haze
    I can see the day unfold in front of me
    So I take the stairs and hit the gym
    The phone is ringing when I get to my desk
    What was a stinging’s now a sharp pain in my chest
    So I take a Calminex and just chill
    And then it’s time for lunch again

    All I know is work is easy when you don’t stress out about deadlines
    All I know is I take my medicine I always take my medicine

    And I feel fantastic
    And I never felt as good as how I do right now
    Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
    When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now
    I feel fantastic
    And I never felt as good as how I do right now
    Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
    When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now
    Right now, right now, right now…

    Sometimes I’d like to slow things down
    And enjoy the moment
    But when I look the moment’s gone

    Work is over but I can’t stay to work late
    Got to leave and get ready for my second date
    With a pretty girl that I met at the pharmacy
    Right in the prescription line
    I take a pill for my social anxiety
    I get a table and a nice bottle of chablis
    Now it’s getting late and there’s still no sign of her
    I have another glass of wine

    All I know is the wine lasts longer when you don’t gotta share it with someone
    All I know is the steak tastes better when I take my steak tastes better pill

    And I feel fantastic
    And I never felt as good as how I do right now
    Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
    When I felt the way that I do right now, right now
    And I feel fantastic
    And I never felt as good as how I do right now
    Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day
    When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now